Courtesy
by Mike Ford
Forerunner, "Ready Answer," July-August 2014
“Finally,
all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another, love as brothers,
be tenderhearted, be courteous.” —I Peter 3:8
Many years ago, I worked with a woman who described her
philosophy on driving like this: “If I come up on the back of someone, and they
are driving too slow, I ride their bumper until they move over. If someone
comes up on my bumper, I slow down to annoy them because they are driving too
fast.”
In her mind, she was the official arbiter of road speeds. Moving over to
the right lane never entered her mind, evidently.
On a recent road trip out West, my wife and I noticed how
many people seem to think the fast lane is their birthright, and no other lane
will do—no matter how slow they drive. In Texas, a state with perhaps the best
road system in the nation, every few feet, it seems, the highway department had
set up a sign reading, “Left Lane is for Passing Only.” In Utah, the signs
read, “Stay in Right Lane Except to Pass.” In Georgia, every so often one will
pass a sign reading, “Slow Traffic Keep Right.” However, the American school
system has again let us down, having produced a huge number of illiterate
drivers because few, if any, obey these signs.
These are small anecdotes, but they point to a lack of
courtesy between people here in the States. Lest the reader think this is
solely an American issue, while on this trip, I read a June 11, 2014, USA
Today article, “Be more polite, Beijing residents told.” It related
that a summit will be held in Beijing in November with many world leaders in
attendance, and some work needs to be done first:
In China’s sharp-elbowed capital, where people jump lines
and exhibit brusque manners, the ruling Communist Party launched a campaign
Tuesday to encourage Beijing’s 20 million residents to behave better.
Led by the Capital Civilization Office, the same
bureaucrats who struggled to wipe out public spitting before the 2008 Summer
Olympics, Beijing plans to “raise citizens’ quality” before [the summit].
Targets of the six-month campaign: people who are noisy,
smoke in public, curse at sports events, fail to line up for buses, run red
lights, drink while they drive and drive aggressively.
Beijingers should also dress properly, show grace in
speech and manner and say “hello,” “thank you” and “sorry” more often.
It is not just Beijing residents who need to work on
their manners; it is all of us. Countless times, I have held doors for women
only to have them sweep through as if they were royalty without a “thank you”
to be heard. What happened to our children saying, “Yes, ma’am” and “No,
ma’am”? When is the last time we saw a male of any age give his seat to a lady
or elderly person?
German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once wrote: “It is
a wise thing to be polite; consequently it is a stupid thing to be rude. To
make enemies by unnecessary and willful incivility is just as insane a
proceeding as to set your house on fire. . . .”
A Biblical Behavior
A short definition of courtesy would be
“polite behavior that shows respect for other people.” Does God have
anything to say about courtesy? Remember the “Golden Rule”? Jesus exhorts His disciples in Matthew 7:12: “Treat others as you want them to treat you. This
is what the law and the prophets are all
about” (Contemporary English Version).
If we truly lived by this, we would always treat
others with courtesy. Chivalry would not be dead. For those younger folks who
may not know, chivalry was an ancient, knightly code emphasizing the virtues of
service to others, honor, love, and courtesy.
Consider, for instance, how we treat the “hoary head(s)”
among us. Leviticus 19:32 commands us: “Show respect for old people and honor
them. Reverently obey Me; I am the Lord” (Good News Bible). There
have been times when I have come up on the rear of a slow-moving car and
muttered, “Come on, grandpa, let’s go!” only to remember that I too am a
grandpa!
In all seriousness, though, do we revere the older folks
as we should? Do we encourage our children to go last in line at a potluck? Do
we take the time to do the simple things like teach our kids to look an adult
in the eye when he or she speaks to them? Do we insist that they say, “Yes, sir
[or ma’am],” not interrupt an adult conversation, hold doors for them, and
generally, as God urges, “Show respect for old people and honor them”?
Why would we be impolite to the elderly—or anyone, for
that matter? Why not move over on the road and let others going faster drive
by? Why be rude to sales clerks and wait staffs? Why not use the simplest of
courtesies like “please” and “thank you”?
The apostle Paul gives the answer in Philippians 2:3: “Don’t be jealous or proud, but be humble and
consider others more important than yourselves” (Contemporary English
Version). Now that is truly a hard thing to do. I can hear it
now: “Treat others more important than moi? How can that be?
The left lane was built for me! All others must go around. Why, if
I were to move over and let you by, then I would lose face. I would be
admitting defeat. I would be a loser in life’s rat race.” Most people fail to
consider that, even if they win the rat race, they are still a rat!
In Titus 3:1-2, Paul instructs the younger man, pastoring churches on
Crete:
Remind believers to submit themselves to rulers and
authorities, to be obedient, and to be ready to do an honorable kind of work.
They are not to insult anyone or be argumentative. Instead they are to be
gentle and show perfect courtesy to everyone (International Standard Version [ISV]).
The ISV renders the Greek word praiotes as
“courtesy,” while other versions translate it as “meekness,” “gentleness” or
“humility.” The ISV has taken some liberties, but it gives a sense, in today’s
English, of what Paul is saying. A humble attitude is necessary to show
courtesy to others.
I Peter 3:8 Amplified
So, if the English “courtesy” is not literally in Titus 3:2, is it elsewhere? The Greek word philophron,
which translates directly to the English “courtesy,” is used only once in the
Bible. It comes from two other Greek words, philos, meaning
“friend,” and phren, meaning “understanding,” “perceiving,” and
“judging.” These two words indicating “understanding a friend” are put together
to suggest the idea of courtesy.
Philophron appears in I Peter 3:8: “Finally, be ye
all of one mind, having compassion one for another, love as brethren, be
pitiful, be courteous” (King James Version). Many translations interpret philophron as
“kind” or “humble,” and this is correct as well. Both Thayer’s Greek Lexicon and Strong’s
Concordance define philophron as “friendly” and
“kind,” but Strong’s goes a little further, saying it can be
summed up as the English word “courteous.”
In I Peter 3:8, the apostle uses
only seven Greek words, whereas the King James employs nineteen to get the
meaning across. English is a wordy language, is it not? At the risk of boring
the reader, we will look at I Peter 3:8 in the
Greek, as if it were in an interlinear Bible: Telos pas homophron
sumpathes philadelphos eusplagchnos philophron. Here it is, word by word,
with English equivalents and a note or two:
Telos (finally, in the end, to sum up)
pas (individually and all, each and every one of you,
collectively)
homophron (of one mind, in accord with one another; used in
the New Testament only this once)
sumpathes (suffering or feeling the same with one another;
used only this once)
philadelphos (love as brethren, brothers and sisters,
countrymen; used only this once)
eusplagchnos (compassionate, tender-hearted; used just twice)
and finally, philophron (friendly, kind,
courteous; used only this once).
The apostle Peter is here summarizing his instructions
from the previous 20 verses, going back to I Peter 2:17. That passage deals with relationships: how to get along
with brethren, mates, and the world at large.
Why did God inspire him to use words not previously used nor used again later?
Four of these Greek words are used only once in the Bible, one used only twice,
all in this single verse!
While there are probably some deeper reasons that my mind
is too limited to perceive, Peter has a straightforward goal in writing this
verse in this manner. It is likely that using these terms was a simple way for
him to get across to his audience something that he had mentioned many times already.
If I was writing about cars, I would not want to repeat “car” again and again.
As in “I drove a new car today. It was a blue car.
It was a nice car. This car went fast.” It is
doubtful that Car and Driver magazine would hire me with such
an unsophisticated style. Instead, I could use “vehicle,” “transportation,”
“sporty mode of travel,” “a good way to get from point A to point B,”
“automobile,” and so on.
Peter, then, to provide more impact, merely sums up his
previous points using fresh words. It is a technique we should pay attention
to. We could paraphrase I Peter 3:8 like this, which sounds a great deal like The
Amplified Bible: “In summation, each and every one of you, individually and
collectively, have compassion, sympathy, even empathy for one another, loving
everyone as if they were your family; be compassionate and courteous.”
Lovers of Themselves
The only way to do what Peter recommends is to consider
others more important than ourselves.
This can be quite hard to do in this
competitive world we live in. We have to win in everything. We have to be in
the fastest line at the bank or store. We have to ensure no one breaks in line
ahead of us. We have to close up on the car ahead and not leave a gap to allow
another car to cut in.
If we fail to do these things, what happens? We are
life’s losers, right? Of course not. There is no pain in living a courteous
life. It does not cost us a thing to tell someone, “No, you go first.”
Why has our society coarsened? Is it because our schools
for decades now have emphasized how “special” we all are? We have many adults
now who cannot read or write very well and who know little history or math, but
they feel really good about themselves! They have high self-esteem. Anything
that comes their way is deserved or owed to them because we have taught them
that.
Or are we less polite because, as a people, we drift
further from God every day?
The reason we have such a lack of courtesy in today’s
world can be found in II Timothy 3:1-2, where the apostle Paul writes: “But know this, that in
the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves. .
. .” He goes on to list about eighteen more traits people will exhibit in the
end time, but he leads the list with “lovers of themselves.” If we are first
and foremost in our lives a lover of ourselves, then we are never wrong.
We are always first, and, we think, deservedly so! The left
lane is ours! We are the direct opposite of “humble.” We could not be courteous
if we tried.
Consider verses 2-5 from the Contemporary English
Version. Remember that Paul is speaking of the last days, and note how each
of these traits relate to courtesy:
People will love only
themselves and money. They will be proud, stuck-up, rude, and disobedient to
their parents. They will also be ungrateful, godless, heartless and hateful.
Their words will be cruel, and they will have no self-control or pity. These
people will hate everything that is good. They will be sneaky, reckless, and
puffed up with pride. Instead of loving God, they will love pleasure. Even
though they will make a show of being religious, their religion won’t be real.
Don’t have anything to do with such people.
Powerful words, indeed. Perhaps the reader thinks that I
am making too much of the lack of courtesy around us. Maybe so. But it is
something foundational, something basic, to a Christian life. A humble and
God-fearing person will naturally be courteous. If we esteem others greater
than ourselves, we will be courteous. If we are striving to
live in accordance with God’s laws, we will be courteous.
So, does this mean that by simply saying “please” and
“thank you,” we will be in God’s Kingdom?
No, it is not quite that easy, but it
is a start! Conversely, it is probably safe to say that those who are impolite
and rude will not like their reward at all. As the sign says, “Keep Right.”
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1)The Names and Titles of God our Father and Jesus Christ our Savior will be respected at all times.
2) Discussion is encouraged, however, respect for other people and their opinions is the rule---play nice.
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This is MY house and YOU are a guest here and differences of opinion will be tolerated as long as you conduct yourself accordingly. If "the exercise of civility is beyond your ability" or you were never taught by your parents, feel free to take your toys and go home and vent your pent-up anger elsewhere.